Post-Valentines Nerves Part 1

Oh, hello there!

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My Valentines day was quite nice, thank you. :-)

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Oh, I just went to the gym, bought groceries, and went to dinner with a friend.

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Ha, no not that type of friend. My best female friend from high school.

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Nah, it didn't really bother me, the day that is. I mean, I got to hang out with my family and bought sweets for my sister and her family. Can't ask for anything better.

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What would I think about them? Sure Valentines day is about love, but I don't have anyone particular in sight. And I'm fine the way I am. Completion is part of my own life journey, not someone else's responsibility.

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This? Oh no, this post is about my nerves about the future of my work life. Not my love life.

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Sure I'll make a comment, but it shouldn't take long. And I did want to bring this other thought process up.


Romance was in the air, dripping from the tips of their mouths. Heated breath took in the gingerly held object. Then it disappeared at once into the lush pink bounty of their lips.

Yes, the sushi place was most excellent. Giggling at the couples around us, Sam and I chilled and talked about stuff and boys. I couldn't be happier. No need to stroke someones ego to the point of a climatic (or anticlimactic) evening. Or to spend more time with someone just to prove to society that our love is valid according to their standards.

There was no need to really talk about my past loves, except to make comments about current crushes. Even then, my friends slightly prompt me into that direction of the conversation, so I don't always bring up the conversation myself.

I'm just happy to be me. By myself. That's how it started and how it will all end. Perhaps I have a dark view of what happens after life, but I choose to learn how to do things myself. And if I learn to love myself, it will greater serve my love for others.

I do not have to find another half, I need to find an equal mate; a partner. And they will have to deal with my catch-22's and realize that my social strengths come from my social weaknesses. We are all complicated beings. I refuse to let my past relationships label me. Yes, I was naive at first. But first relationships are not expected to be perfect. Also, I wanted some type of chase. Make him want me even more.

What to say about the second, I do not know. Other than I was the best girlfriend that I could be, even when I made mistakes. I gave my all, but forsake my family, my personal sense of being, and my future? That I could not, can not, and will not do. Independent woman I am, I do not bend to someones will just because they want to take every last bit of love my heart can hold. Because before far too soon, my blood will turn cold. I did my best, nothing less, till I knew that they gave up on me.

So thus, I am better off. I won't even talk about my numerous and diverse crushes. I'm too easily swept away, or attract those that I don't want to attract... Or I fall for gay guys. That happens way too often than I like to admit.

Romance is a beautiful fantasy that we all enjoy. But it doesn't have the grit that work has... the exhilaration of real life.

I'd like to keep my feet on the ground just awhile longer before I launch upwards.

And who knows what I will find up there in the sky?