Dreams vs. Reality

   What do you do when reality falters in the face of dreams that seem even more real? At some point my dreams have surpassed my own sense of reality. More faces and events happen than what I manage to do in my own time. Perhaps it is time to admit my own addiction.

   I, Sarah, am addicted to an interesting life. Comfortability is stifling, and I too often fight back with stubborn quietness. In short, I allow myself to suffer in mundane habits. It all becomes a spring for when my life starts its unexpected roller coaster. Even then, I struggle to place an improbable balance between the climax of the situation and the comforting calm of indifference.

  It is the habit of making mountains out of mole hills.

  Entirely my own fault.

  So I have settled on a compromise. To halt the static death of so-called reality and to reel in the dreams I have caught over the years. It is time to meet them past half-way.

  I have made plans over the years and it's time to finally execute them. There is no way I could life a life of "normalcy". The 9-5 or the average jobs out there in the economy. There are plenty other people who can do the job that I currently do, and enjoy the balance between that work and their lives. I like to invest my time differently.

  So I will live up to the promises and dreams I have wove.

  For although reality is the current situation, dreams are the inspiration and hope that drives us to try harder.

  Perhaps I have been living in the moment more often, and so I can feel how tangible the dreams are now. Their breaths tease me into an intoxication of excitement. Ghostly hands guide me through my dull-white days and my room to a state of organization and action.

  Reality is the state of the world and the beings within it. Notsomuch the state of the society and the people within.

  Invest in the reality of living rather than the reality of existence. We should be beyond the question of "What is life?" We should be focusing on "How do we live?" only to follow it later in life with "Why do we live?" (Unless you know your answer already.)

  How do we get from where we are now to what we perceive as possible? What do we need to change? Can we change it? How do we do so?

  My issue is that I have so many dreams that I tend to not know where to start. But in recent events, I have noticed that I do have the ability to make the changes in my life necessary to the development to the life that I want to live. Part of my difficulty is admitting that there are specific things that I want to do that I know would require very difficult changes. But I have the motivation now. What is left is the declaration of my intent.

  And this is something I need to meditate on just a tad more.

The Rush of Stillness

Feet tap rhythmic beats on gravel skin; a drone on a stony heart.

What would have been a morning of rushing to work to discover my laughable earliness was quickly saved by the innate desire to commit my body to that rush of meditation. I thought, maybe I could finally get in that morning run that I have been craving recently.

As it turned out, I saved myself in the nick of time so I could finally grasp that desire. My thoughts echoed the conversations between birds, and the whispers of automobiles. Further inside, images of further desires and needs flashed before me. Running has always granted me that personal space that I enjoy. It grants the ability to become one with the world around me whilst grounding me to my inner core.  Feelings that I usually do not make sense of finally morph into a word or phrase.

And always, that moving thoughtfulness reminded me of my eternal search for truth: for the bare facts in the perspective of reality.

More often than not, I find my mind running in directions. Relationships are usually tricky and can be potentially addicting, depending on the personality. Work can be dangerously  all-consuming when one lets it (as I am apt to do). And focusing on one aspect of life can be just as complicated and demanding as focusing on every aspect.

At some point I have to detach the mind from the rest of what I am doing. Usually I get frustrated when people tell me to detach from things because I want to be able what to detach from. After all, if I detach from too much, honestly, I find life more worthless. To live with nothing to hold on to is dangerous.

But running is what I use to stabilize my otherwise my overworking brain. Emotions that have been evoked over the past few days simmer in a pot of reflection. My energy burns up the fuel that has been lain down by anxiety. What remains is the ash, or shadow, of my true disposition. Even though I have been going out on dates and kinda pulling my life together, I know that I long for that singular career. The one that lets me live frankly and in the moment.

So I will continue to run and reflect, for nothing is swifter than the lightened foot and mind. And that, in itself, is the art form of moving meditation.