Because It's All You Need

Yes, love is all you need.

Even when every other person throws it back in your face.

I try to be the person that I want to be: energetic, thoughtful, and positive. One of the benefits of my job is that I get to connect with the customers, and to give them the best possible experience. More than once have I been commented on my smile, which took them off guard. But they then said "God bless you girl" and "Keep smiling". I just keep smiling on the outside, no matter how I feel inside.

In the meantime, I find that romance is surprisingly addicting. For the most part, I'm over my crushes, and I'm pretty firm on the line that I am just happy single. Though it feels like I will be like that for some time.

The amount of romance, in literature, movies, music, ect. is massive. Probably because once it's in the brain, we get addicted to it. Seriously now, as in hormones that are sparked and oxy-something that makes females all giddy inside.

And what an addiction it is.

Even looking forward to a potential date is a trigger for me. I do not have a happy medium when it comes to these types of relationships. And, as ever, it takes a long time to find someone who is interested and wants to persue a relationship with you. I am on the brink of a totally new era for me, so that pool is just a puddle.

As I try to figure things out for myself, I can't help but notice how often I go back to that addiction. But I have no one to be addicted to. There is no person who I crave, that I need, that I want. And it bothers me in some way because I know that at 23, I have 7 years till I start dropping two eggs at a time, thus increasing any brood I make when I'm in my thirties. Of course, half the people I know in my life are either going to be A) married B) engaged C) have kids D) adopt a family and/or E) have grandkids. Then I will be old. If I don't have someone around my thirties, I'll be called a spinster.

But why is it like that? Should I be called a name because there wasn't a half-decent human being with good intentions that wanted to be in a relationship with me that I also wanted to be in a relationship with? That is not being picky, that's being healthy. No thanks, I do not want to be in an abusive relationship. I don't deserve that, just as many other women and men do not deserve that treatment.

Can we stop justifying this addiction, and learn to work around it? Somehow? I'd just like to continue to do my own thing without having to change it because society says so. Where is that person that I can learn to trust and love?

I just have a feeling that I do have a soul mate, but I do not know if they are in this time period right now. This is just a side quest for that path to wholeness. That is, if I don't find it myself on my journey through life.