With no one to call my own, how do I manage to move on?
Easy. I focus on what and who I have; my friends, family, and myself. I must do what comes naturally: give love and be honest. Their happiness brings me ease. When their needs are fulfilled, or I have done enough, I must turn to myself.
There was a time when I did not care for my own well-being. Everyone and everything else was held above my own health and success. In a way, that has not left me. To serve is an honor, and to give my time is more precious than receiving pay. Thus my constant addiction to performance is a cocktail drug of servitude and adrenaline.
Still I struggle to find a balance owning my happiness and giving happiness. Solely focusing on myself is boring. It is instant gratification, and too easily solved. I can find happiness where ever I go. That is just in my nature. But to be honest, I find that I do best when I am with others.
My philosophy brings me back to that pendulum, a ying-yang of responsibility. We are only as alone or crowded as we make ourselves. If we wanted to be alone, then we would make that effort to separate ourselves. And too often, people allow us to make those decisions. Even if you wanted to be stopped, your friends will not do anything to make you do otherwise.
And for that reason, I befriend the opposites of me. For the days that I feel easy-going, I enjoy being with my dramatic friends. When I am being grumpy, I enjoy being with my upbeat friends. When I feel a little shy, I make sure that I have a few really outgoing friends.
On the same token, this is why I make sure I have friends that are similar to me. The more stubborn, artistic, dramatic, renaissance, and curious the person, the more I enjoy being with them. I want to find what makes them tick: to make them laugh, to know how much I can tease them, and how to make sure that they don’t make too many bad decisions. Well, at least without me.
My friends remain my best audience, and greatest fans (apart from family). Even if they don’t like my stuff, I give more credit to them if they stay honest with me. Sure I might be a doll, but I can handle rejection, and I can handle criticism . Stubbornness may be my weakness, but its something I am willing to work on.
Friends are more than people to hang out with at a certain time in certain place. To me, friends are keys to the composition of you. They make landmarks on your heart, mind, and body. Sometimes I let a few friends have too much power over me. But when my heart decides to give its love and protection to them, it becomes my mind vs. the heart.
I love my friends, and would pick them up when they are down. I’d be there whenever they wanted me. I give, and give, and give, and give… I give until the relationship is over.
So call me addicted to love, for that might be my greatest weakness. But at least I acknowledge it. For as much as it will make me hurt, it makes life so much more interesting and worth living. I find that giving love freely is healthier than holding all emotions in. And it never hurts to tell your friend, your brother, your family, your lover… “I love you.” If it’s true, then there should be no judgment.
Love should be celebrated all the time, to everyone and yourself. Take time to reflect on your relationships and how they have touched you. For those who hurt you, find forgiveness and seek strength to grow from the experience. For those who are gone, celebrate their life and do them the honor to continue to live yours to the fullest.
Valentines Day is very much over, and passion does tend to ebb out too. But keep the love that you experience in your heart year-round, and you may find out something. That love gives you strength to push yourself to become greater, and to do greater things.
