It has been too long since the last blog. Yet there has not been very much going on.
Or at least, there is far too much of living in the moment that I keep forgetting how much I enjoy reflecting on things.
What does come into my mind on a regular basis is my unusual need for a systematical complex challenge. Something that is equivalent to completing a 20 x 20 times table in my head. Great for falling asleep and concentrating my mind, but the need to have something a bit more tangible to inspire me. Two years ago I managed to create a level system so that I could encourage myself to complete certain chores. Yes, a level system as in levels 1 - 99 with an x amount of experience to learn within each level. There is a mathematical obsession that I have been trying to tame, but it bothers me to the point that I have to complete it. The attention to every single detail to craft a one whole great piece. The tedium that allows me to become so focused that I do not need to worry about every other thing that is passing by me.
Thanks to this desire, I have a few books on physics and calculus that I need to read. And I mean need, like if I don't do something mathematical at some point in my life, I will get a little loopy. It is like music, the heart of me that fuels my life. Math is the logic that I have tried to cling to even though it drifted from my grasp. I hunger for it like a young girl lost in her first major crush.
Maybe the new med is making me a little flighty. Or maybe the small performance on Saturday finally kick-started that one thing within me that I've been trying to find this entire time.
I'm not quite sure myself, but time will tell.
