I trap myself in my own fears.
What should be used as bridges, is broken down into planks for walls within walls.
Thankfully I now have broken down several layers of walls that I can finally see outside. But what is outside is so fascinating and confusing that the older me is trying to rebuild. It takes extra effort for me to relax and let go of my consuming general anxiety.
So to stop these walls from rising up, and to move on from this gridlock, I often try to find an outside force or perspective to get me out. Video games sometimes help, friends also give a better perspective. Getting outside of the house is imperative. Incense is relieving as well as transcending literature and music.
Really what I crave for is mediation on a regular basis. But the rooms are too active, and the heat is bothering me right now. I know if I did it at home, there would always be the chance of an interruption.
Too many thoughts are interrupting my mind, that I try to find my mathematical solace, within details. May it be trying to itemize things or trying my best at the multiplication table (20x20), I look for order.
I want to reach the most common denominator in the world around me and focus on that. Which I find to be love and music. From there I determine what works best for me.
I am keeping it simple and orderly for myself so that I can go best in whatever way my life indicates to go. But not in a swimming way with societal measures. By listening to the heartbeat within, I can go with what naturally comes to me.
For boundaries fall by the persistent force of unity.
