Because I am
But what happens when that mental struggle arises during real life? You can't just save and load the game later... Can't close and read it when you are in a good mood. That's what makes it real life, it's harder and crazier than you imagined. And when you fail, it's way different than you imagined.
I will admit, I've been naive for most of my life. Sheltered, really, from harsh realities. Doesn't stop me from being interested in them, and hoping I drop into reality someday. Fantasy is tiring... childhood has to stop sometime.
So I am taking a moment to reflect on a topic that has been gravitating to me for months. Depression. A state where you feel worth less than you deserve; where you top to think only of the failures and weaknesses, no matter how strong you really are. It's the point when you give up, and float away from everything else.
I have not been diagnosed with depression nor really heard from a professional about this, but I have deducted this from screenings and my past actions, that I have gone through something like this. Most of all, I have the most stubborn personality and tend to refuse to give up or become suicidal. The moment I lost my stubbornness, was the moment I clued in to what was going on. I don't know about other people, but our bodies thrive to live... No matter how transitional your mind is, or how much you reach past parts of your mortality, your body still has the will and need to live. It's when you enter the situation of fight or flight that your feet will lead you to that ledge. I have felt my feet walk one way, while my mind flew in another direction. How horrifying is it to be actually separated from your mind and body? They deserve to work together, but separation and disagreements will only lead to frustration.
Depression made me someone that I'm not. And it's horrifying to see what destruction it has done to my life. Even worse, it's common... as familiar as the common cold. But much worse. While a cold may hold you back for a day or so, depression (depending on your self-esteem and confidence) can lower you to a more despicable you: Anger, mood swings, and really bad sleeping habits.
So don't hesitate, and act on it. Stop that little mind bug, and pull it out before it takes away your will. Check out these sites below, or go talk to a consular to get back on track.
All the best.
~Moi
http://www.webmd.com/depression/default.htm
http://helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/depression.html
http://www.liveyourlifewell.org/
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